This piece first appeared on Round and Round Rosie. See Rosemond’s complete bio and contact info below the post.
Divorced over 40? Have kids? Here’s some very important dating advice you need to hear.
What’s this earth shattering, paradigm shifting information I need to lay upon you?
There I said it. Harsh but completely true. So why do I make this huge ass generalization?
1. If you’ve never had kids, you still think the world revolves around you.
Once you’ve had the pleasure of cleaning the diaper of a small screaming human, or paying $120 to see Dora the Explorer Live on Stage, you realize that you are now way on down the list of importance. To be a parent means to realize that what you want now means nothing at all. You officially don’t mean sh#$.
If you’ve never had kids, you don’t understand that. If you are a single male, you believe that you are number one. Silly, silly person.
2. You are a parent. You can take anything.
Parenting gives you perspective. Spilling your latte doesn’t upset you that much. A full Spin class is a bummer but not a life changer; certainly not the same level of upset as discovering your child’s racked up a cellphone bill of over $358 in one month.
Being a parent teaches you that lots of crappy little stuff happens but as long as everyone gets home in one piece, it’s a good day.
3. Parenting teaches you flexibility.
Being a parent, you’re used to the quick change of plans. Anything can happen at anytime and you know that. Someone vomits in their backpack on the way to school and suddenly you are working from home that day.
Date night? Not so much since the sitter canceled.
Over 40 males? Inflexible with a capital “I”.
Had a few dates with a man who was 45, never married, no kids. His entire refrigerator was categorized by shelves with its own Excel spreadsheet. Put the coconut water on the top shelf by mistake and thought he was going to collapse in his granite perfection of a kitchen in a full on seizure. Can you say over 40 Freak Show?
4. Being married before means you are brave enough to make a commitment.
Yes, we’ve been married and our marriages failed but at least we had the courage to say I Do.
Maybe we failed miserably but we took the walk down the aisle, threw the wedding bouquet and put ourselves in debt to have a kick ass party. At least we tried. Men who’ve made it to 40 and can’t commit? Let them go.
Don’t believe their professions that they just haven’t found “someone”. They are single for real reasons. Fear of commitment. Being emotionally unavailable. Or just because they are big fat selfish douche bags.
I dated one man who whined about how women didn’t understand him, that everyone he cared for left him. Yes, yes, they did. All the women with any intelligence and self worth did leave when they figured out he was a narcissistic asswipe with the emotional maturity of a five year old.
Leave these men to embarrass themselves and date cocktail waitresses who are 22. Women so young and naive that they can’t discern their emotional disabilities.
Here’s my advice. Want a real shot at happiness? Find yourself a man who’s been married before. Find a man who’s had kids. Someone who knows what its like to drive carpool. To hold his wife’s hand in the hospital. Someone who’s got battle scars and loss. Find a real man, not a self involved 40 something man child.
Is this post harsh? Probably. I just have to save my ladies some time and tell the unvarnished truth. Men who are over 40 and never married are worth their weight in trouble. Walk away.
Have you dated a man who’s over 40, never married and no kids? How did it turn out?
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