Re-Defining Your Life After 50
I like to arrive late. Especially to my husband's work parties. Everyone is already there, the lights are dimmed, the music is playing. People are gathered in small groups, chatting, laughing, well on their way to having a good buzz. As usual my husband gets pulled into one of the cliques and they're talking shop. It's easy for me to grab a drink, a nibble and stand in the corner and people watch.
The reason I never like to get to a party too early, is that you are inevitably confronted by that one person who makes it their own personal mission to not let guests stand alone. I am totally ok being alone. Really.
Especially at parties where I am just the tag along and I don't know anyone. Late or not, I am usually found out and approached.
Greeting someone new for the first time is always awkward. People resort to the only conversation opener they know:
"So what do you do?"
And there it is. The question I have been asking myself everyday since I left my job a year ago. In an effort to redirect, I humour them.
"I take care of my husband. He's a full-time job". Chuckle, chuckle.
Only when you are repeatedly asked this question do you realize that you have been defining yourself your entire life by the actions and responsibilities that dominated your life at that particular moment.
"I'm a student."
"I'm a mother."
"I'm a...(insert career)."
For the first time in my life, I hesitate. What do I say that they will understand?
I know that in not answering that guest at the party directly, I will be defined as nothing. Could there be anything worse? I'm not sure. People like labels and they want to be able to stick you in one.
Could I stand the glazed over look in their eyes if I say, "I'm a writer" or how about "I'm a blogger"? I'm sure that would get rid of them pretty fast.
Of course, if I am feeling particularly feisty or getting interrogated with follow up questions, I may tell them how much money I make, sitting in my pajamas eating bon bons at my computer all day. But that's not a pretty picture. lol
But I do love the shock on their faces when I tell them.
"You make how much???!!!"
I have grown more confident in my response the more I have said it out loud.
"I'm a blogger and online entrepreneur."
I do love my blogs and why shouldn't I be proud to tell other people about what I do? Helping others go down the same path as me has been one of the most satisfying aspects of blogging.
If you have re-defined yourself recently, do you have trouble answering people's inquiries? If you do, it is probably because you have spent your whole life sticking yourself into boxes that people will understand.
But this is your time. You don't owe anyone any explanations. You get to define you. It may no longer be based on what you do but who you are.
So who are you?
It may be exhilarating to think that you finally get to define who you are. But then again, it's scary, isn't it?
You are not too old to start again or re-invent yourself. As long as you have breath, you have time.
The best days are yet to come. Make them count.
Need some inspiration? Check out Christine's story of how she walked away, after 25 years, from a career she loved or check out these reasons why midlife is the perfect time to start your own business.
Sometimes I feel alone ,my 2nd husband died and my grown kids are living their life's , but I also hear and see couples arque and fight and then I'm fine being alone !
What I was before I stopped working was defining me and I became happy to quit to do what I liked... being a housewife, a stay at home mom to 2 pups, making quilts, cards, and jewelry. Then I found I wanted to be out in the world again, for a month or a year. I love it! I love my life! I love that I can do so much with me, with what I have and enjoy!
I'm just at the beginning of defining myself, let alone re-defining myself, in my newly acquired state as an empty nester singleton searching for a career. I found your post and following comments very apropos to my life and helpful. So glad I found your blog and think my life is going to be enhanced by this new found community.
Having sold my house, got divorced and left my corporate career, all at the age of 50, I can truly relate to this. I felt like I completely lost my identity. It took me awhile to redefine myself, but eventually I did and it was well worth it. Great post!
I love hearing stories like yours. It inspires others to look for their passion and not be frightened by change.
Yes, I defined my life after fifty. I'm a writer. It's easier now that I've had a few stories published.
Elena- This was such a great read. It took me awhile to start to define myself, and realize I could pull away from so many of the "hats" I had previously worn. My favorite hat these days is "Domestic Goddess", coined by my husband. For me the metamorphosis to a blogger is in the works. Thanks for sharing this at MidLifeLuv.
Hi Elena! Ah such a great topic that likely changes every single day. I FINALLY call myself a writer although for the longest time it just wouldn't come out--and yes of course it was all my own perception. I'm not sure what it took or exactly when it happened for me (after far too many years to count) but it did and now I can't imagine what all the fuss is about. And surprisingly, no one else treats me any different at all. ~Kathy
I agree Kathy. I'm in a better place now then when I first wrote that and have no problem saying I am a blogger now. Besides, I have to have a legitimate excuse to give for a messy house! lol
I'm in the same boat. I guess a lot of us are these days. I think I'm going to go with "free-lance writer". I hate telling people I'm a blogger and usually go with writer. Thanks for hosting the linkup.
Excellent post. It's hard when you don't quite fit in one of those little boxes #midlifeluv.
I'm not trying to fit in them anymore and it's very freeing. Thank you for stopping by!
A writer and blogger?! You're a wogger.
I've been called worse! Lol Good one!
Aren't we always in the process of redefining ourselves? Aren't we here to learn and evolve?
I always tell people my job is to be fabulous on a full-time basis. That's succinct enough to leave an impression and open-ended enough for me to adapt and pivot as I go :-)
Alicia
spashionista.com
You are fabulous! I will try try that! Thank you so much for stopping by!
Just a thought - but 'I'm a lap-dancer' is a great conversation stopper (or starter, depending on who you are talking to).
Now that's a future blog post! lol
Tell them the truth - you are a writer!!!!! And don't forget to add - a very good one too!!!!!!!
Thank you Gilly!
Very thoughtful! I define myself by who I am now too. Aging is better than most people crack it up to be:))
Definitely! Time to enjoy ourselves now and not be confined by old definitions. Thank you for dropping by!
To me, life is much more about the journey, than on arriving at a specific destination. I hope you're enjoying your journey of writing and blogging as much as I enjoy reading what you write about.
Thank you so much Paula! I love your blog too!
I tell people 'I'm a fifty plus lifestyle blogger'. People of our age are genuinely interested, although the younger generation think it's a bit of a joke. I love it. My working for other people days are behind me. I'm doing what makes me happy from now on.
You made "other people" sound like a dirty word! Lol I know exactly how you feel. It's very empowering to take control and decide how you want to live. I wish you much success and happiness!
Great post. Had to read it as soon as I saw the title. I have been a stay at home mum for a while and whilst I am doing a tough and valuable job it can feel in social gatherings that there is nothing interesting about me when I tell people. Crazy
I heard a great talk once that said to define what impact you have in life. So for me now as a Counsellor and hypnotherapist I might say to the question what do you do? 'I help people understand themselves and learn to know what their strengths are and how to use them' rather than saying my job title. I have found that great. As a mum I guess I could have said 'I work with children to help them develop a healthy sense of self and know who they are'.
Love your site. Are you on Bloglovin?
Thank you so much for reading and leaving such an excellent comment! I hope moms out there use your answer. Yes I am on bloglovin.
Yes! This question has occured to me many times. What I do for a living is almost the last thing I want to define myself as, but how sad is it that so few people want to listen to anything that doesn't bring home the bacon? Sad sad times.
Reblogged this on Blissfully Single and commented:
I'm still working at finding that definition...but when I do, look out world!
It's great you are still actively looking, that will keep you young ,expand your horizons and give you plenty to write about!
You wrote 'So who am I? At first this sounds exhilarating. I get to define me. Then I realize, I have to define me. And if I don’t, I allow others to do it.'
That is astute and well written. It IS exhilarating to realize that we get to redefine ourselves after change! But we do see ourselves through the eyes, or words, of others.
I am 57 and have only 2 yrs of college. I once attended a wedding reception with a boyfriend who has several degrees, including that he spent many years at a large law firm in San Francisco. The couple getting married were university professors and the place was full of others just like them, heads of departments, and the Dean. When my boyfriend rose to go speak with someone I sat quietly. Finally the man next to me at our table turned and asked me only one thing: how I had met my boyfriend. I thought that odd, but I replied. He was quiet for a moment and turned away. I sat alone for the next 15 min while everyone else talked amongst themselves. I felt very defined by the crowd.
As for you, I think it's okay to proudly say you're taking time off to focus on family and to explore your writing. If someone said that to me I would have questions for them...writing is interesting!
You are valuable and interesting and if people aren't smart enough to have a conversation with you regardless of what you do in life, then who cares? Have fun defining yourself, but leave all doors...and windows!...open for new things to float in on the breeze and add to who you will be tomorrow, and next week, and next year.
I love this so much! I've blogged on this exact topic myself before. Defining oneself almost always requires an epic novel format. Basic labels just don't cut it.
I am, therefore I write. I write, therefore I am. :-)
Love this! I dislike being put in a box and over the years it got confusing when I changed careers. Recently I read a blog post that helped me 'define' me or what I do- I just say I'm living a Portfolio life! Mother, wife, sister, artist, designer, blogger, strategist, social media manager...the list goes on and on- It's a Portfolio Career! Great post Elena!
Thank you Joy! I think we will always stay young at heart if we keep re-defining ourselves. Who wants to be static anyway?! Not me!
I know! Thanks for following! Look forward to reading more of your posts.
I would love to say Im a writer, but what you "are" usually translates into what you do to make money. Which usually is something totally different. Great article for thought.
I generally say "social media manager," which is my job right now. But yes. I could say so much more!
Ooh! I like that! I'm using it.
Love the article! It's always interesting to think about defining oneself. We usually do define it in terms of our work or major function that we perform. What do I do? I do a lot of things, breath, consume, work, write, blog, walk, drive, drink, ... well you get the idea :-)