When I was young, I changed my hairstyle and colour almost as often as I changed my underwear. I never really gave it a second thought. I wanted a change, out came the scissors or dye bottle. Even if I didn’t like it, I liked it. Because it was different.
It has been a good twenty years now since I have changed my hair, in any way, shape or form. It’s not like I haven’t wanted to, but the process seemed to take on a life of its own. Look at thousands of pictures, ask everyone’s opinion, make appointments, then chicken out. Please, I thought, don’t turn out to be one of those women that still wears their hair and makeup like they did in their twenties. For me, that would have been the eighties. I’ve seen the pictures. What the heck were we all thinking?
Why, when I talk and write a lot of articles about midlife reinvention, was this so difficult for me to do. Especially when the decision was not a permanent one. Hair grows back. I’m not stuck with it forever. And geez, how superficial am I that I peg so much of my identity, of my femininity, the way others perceive me on something so frivolous as my hair and outward appearance.
And so, this past week, after all my obsessing, researching and contemplating, I did it. I chopped my hair all off. As well, I am letting the grey flourish. I did not dye my hair, even though at the ends, it is fifty shades of shit. The stylist assures me that with the next trim, that should be gone. I imagine that time will tell if I pick up the bottle again but so far I am steadfast in embracing nature and the course it has set.
Related Post: How to rock short hair when you are ready for a drastic change
Honestly, it’s only been a few days, but how liberating this experience has been. I am so proud that I did it. I almost see this low maintenance experience as a form of minimalism for myself. No more fuss. I can now focus of the next challenge.
The funny thing is the reaction from others. Suggestions were made that I take this process in steps, buy wigs to try out styles, try lighter shades of colour. And when I posted a pic of my transformation, I was touted as brave. Brave!
When all is said and done, is this about cutting my hair? Letting my hair go grey? No. It IS much bigger than that. It’s about changing the things I can, and accepting the things I can’t.
Everyone wants to change things in their life. Sometimes we feel stuck, mired in over-thinking. Sometimes you just need to do it. And as silly as it seems, cutting my hair feels like a first step.
So here I am, facing midlife with a new enthusiasm. If I want change, I am the one the needs to make it happen. And I’m going to do it, one hair at a time.
My transition to salt & pepper hair is complete!
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- Sept. 2015
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- Dec. 2017
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Hi I am 64y I have been having my hair coloured for many years but over the last 10 years I’ve only had this done just before going on holiday each year, now during this lock down and missing out on this years holiday and colour I’ve now decided that it’s time to be me, it depends how you look at my hair or how I style it as to how much grey is seen as it’s not all over, I am like my mother was grey at the front sides then if hair is up quite a few patches underneath, the rest are just wispy bits here and there, even when my mother passed at 79y she was still the same, so as the hairdressers are re opening I have only booked a trim, my hubby said and colour but I said no, he seemed shocked and more concerned about the grey than I am, I did say when I reached 60y I wasn’t going to colour my hair anymore but I wasn’t ready then, I am now.
You definitely sound ready to embrace the grey now! I am so glad I didn’t have to worry about colouring my hair during this lockdown. Heavens knows what I would have done myself!
I’m in the process of going gray. I should only need about 1more toner treatment and maybe a haircut or two. I’m 64 so I felt it’s about time. We are building out of state to be close to the grandkids. My stylist is the only person that did my hair the way I liked. I already drive 2 hrs. to see her and won’t be able to any longer. I’m embracing the gray easily! I think I’ve been more than ready.
Thanks for the wonderful, informative blog!
I’m glad you are embracing the change and thank you so much for reading! Good luck with your move.
You are my hero. My gray hair scares the crappie out of me. Yours, however, is adorable.
You look beautiful and happy.
I personally love shorter hair and when I was growing out my hair for two years (for charity), I was miserable. I felt so free this past June when I finally got a haircut.
As far as gray hair goes, I’ve been going gray since I was in my early 20s. So even though I am only 34, I have quite a bit of gray and only recently I started dying it, but with henna, so I can change my mind any time I want.
Thank you so much Ula! I absolutely love it and it is so easy to do now and almost always looks perfect, even in a wind storm! lol I’m liking the gray and some people even think that I highlighted my hair, which is great.
I look better in
red hair which is dyed.
I too gave up the bottle nearly two years ago partly for financial reasons and my grey and natural brunette hair have been happily co-habitating since then. I didn’t find it as big a mental shift as some or even as much as I thought it would be. I’ve even had quite a few compliments about my salt & pepper look. It feels more me than when I dyed. It makes me sad when I read/hear women coming out with phrases such as they worry their job might be a risk or that they’ll be viewed as over the hill.
Women more than ever had the voice, money, position to say let’s stop equating grey with being old. Let’s stop perpetuating this myth. There are some great bloggers out there who have written about going grey such as Kristin at Highland Fashionista and recently Glenda at So What to Twenty.
Of course, if women do want to dye their hair, more power to them but do it because it’s a personal choice and not a pressure (real or otherwise) from society at large.
I was thinking the same thing. I think it sucks that women feel that pressure whereas men do not. I feel it is something we most certainly contribute to and as you said, we should celebrate individual choices.
First of all, your hair looks fantastic. It’s not brave. It’s just plain gorgeous, as are you. As someone who is also mid-life, I do love colouring and styling my hair. I will not stop until I’m too senile to mix the hair colour, and even then, I’ll probably end up lime green, but so be it. I embrace change, and for me I think it has more to do with the fact that it’s something I can control in a world where I have so little. But I’m a firm believe in “whatever keeps you sane,” and if letting your hair do as it will is something you want to do, well, awesome! Plus I have a sneaking suspicion you would pull any hair style or colour off.
Thank you so much Sandra. Plus, I look good in hats and that covers all! lol
Your hairstyle really looks great! I have a small head and a big body, so I need my big hair.
I like big hair but just couldn’t stand the maintenance. I will probably let it grow in future again once I forget that.
It looks fantastic! I’ve contemplated going natural, but still am not there yet. I still have a lot of fun changing my hair. Every six months I need to do something new–cut it short, let it grow, go blonde, go brown, have highlights, cut it again, etc. Even if I let the gray grow out, I’d soon get bored with it. My hair is the only accessory I truly wear everyday.
That is awesome to hear Jennifer. I was just feeling really stuck. You never know, you could see a post of me with pink hair in the future. lol
You look pretty and so energized. I went gray in my early twenties. I colored for the next twenty. I went natural when I turned 40. I am 50 now. It really makes me happy not to have to maintain color and I get a lot of positive comments. I don’t work anymore so I don’t care now but I did second guess my decision while job hunting five years ago. Again, you look great!
I think the constant growth of roots looked terrible, and that is why I decided to let it go. It is very freeing.
You are freaking adorable.
Thank you Christine!
That’s gray? You look great!
My hair is coarse, frizzy, curly and straight all in one. If I went gray I would have to spend more time on it so while I love it for everyone else, I’m lazy…
I’m definitely lazy and that is why I went this way. I didn’t use the flash but my hair is very grey in the front.
You look great. My hair is way too salt and pepper and I just don’t like it, so I color. But yours? Cool.
I love salt and pepper and I hope my hair goes that way. A good silver shampoo makes a difference too.
Beautiful picture, I love the cut! Going grey is brave because youth is preferred over age. The day I go grey will be the day my job tries to get rid of me, so I dye and style and know that someday, I’ll have the option to go short and grey too!
I can understand that, but I doubt the men at your work have to dye their grey hair.
OMG! This is me!!! I started going au naturel a few months ago. Like you, I started with a good cut though I haven’t been brave enough to go as short as you. I started going lighter before I began to embrace my greyness so now I am a mix of blonde/grey which is a little odd for a “WOC” (live this acronym!!). As you say, the thing that has surprised me the most is other people’s reaction though whether they are just being polite or they genuinely do “love” my hair I have no idea & frankly, it’s not really my major concern right now! I have to say, I am sooooo much more grey than you though! You look fab!
The grey really didn’t show up in this pic because I didn’t use the flash. But believe me it is there. And honestly, I am with you. I don’t really care if people like it or not. It is much better than dealing with roots that show up almost a week later.
That’s great! I snorted out loud at the fifty shades of shit. And the cut looks great on you! This aging thing ain’t easy, and I hope I can do it with as much grace as my mother did. I am currently sporting the soccer mom stacked bob (pun intended), but will gradually morph into the same cut my aunts have which is uber short, no blow dryer needed.
Thank you so much.
I’m with you, the less work, the better.
P.S. I just found your comments in spam, sorry for the late reply.
wow! you look fabulous! a really brave decision but it paid off Elena – I’m a bit jealous of your sexy new self 🙂
Thank you Leanne!