In a few weeks, both of my boys, will be celebrating their birthdays. My oldest will be 25! (insert gasp at where all the time went) By the time I was his age, I was married, had him and lived in my own house. Wow, things sure are different for the younger generation now. And I know I am not the only one among my friends that have adult children living at home.

I was aching to get out of my house from the time I was eighteen. I’m not sure if I should be flattered that my kids don’t want to run, screaming in the opposite direction at the moment they could. But that’s just it, they can’t even if they wanted to. For example, my oldest works full-time. In fact, he works most weekends as well on the side for cash jobs. But by the time he makes his car payment, insurance, gas, food, cell phone and pays for all of his drugs (he is a type 1 diabetic), there is barely anything left.

He actually makes more money than some of my friends’ children. But still, I can clearly see it won’t be enough for him to survive on his own. He would definitely have to get a room-mate anyway because of his condition.

Some of my friends are insistent that it is time for them both to go, no matter what the adult children living at home circumstances may be. They may be right. I fantasize about the day I will be an empty-nester. You know, when you leave the house for the day or weekend and come home to it looking exactly how you left it? That. I long for that.

Here is a summary of some of the suggestions being thrown my way to help me make this happen:

 

Well meaning advice from friends on how to get adult children living at home to move out!

  1. Downsize your home: Obviously this is meant to just squeeze them out, literally. And while, in theory, this sounds like a great idea, I have had one friend that did just this with not so great results. Initially, everyone moved out and things were bliss. Then, a few years later, one of her daughters divorced and not only did she come back, but brought children in tow with her. What can you do? You can’t turn the little ones out, or can you…
  2. Move to a different area, city, country: Sometimes the thought of completely leaving everyone behind is appealing but I know I would miss everyone, not to mention that would mean I would be moving farther away from my aging parents and I just foresee more problems with that than solutions.
  3. Move out: I actually know a few people who moved out of their own home and left the kids behind. Besides the fact that we could not afford to do this, the thought of my man boys having free run of the house with me not there scares the crap out of me. My house is already just this side of “frat house chic” and I don’t need it to cross the line.
  4. Get rid of luxuries: So I’m supposed to cancel my cable and internet? Really? What the hell am I supposed to do? Winters are cold and long here in Canada my friends.
  5. Have sex on the kitchen table: While this sounds like fun, my old body says it is not. One night when everyone was out for the night, we decided to have a go in front of the fireplace on the floor. We put blankets down to soften the surface but it was not 10 minutes in that we both agreed that our knees, backs, arms were killing us and up the stairs we went. My days of having sex anywhere other than a bed are LONG over.

As you can tell from my rebuttals, none of the above seem appealing solutions to me.

Do you have any ideas? All sarcastic, funny, well-meaning advice on how to get adult children living at home to move out would be greatly appreciated. Show me what you got!

 

 

Added from comments, my friend Laura and her suggestions. It’s no wonder she’s single. Just kidding!

1. Start practicing nudity…
2. Stop cooking, doing dishes, and buying groceries
3. Start bringing your friends over to discuss the most boring topics on earth, in front of the kids and include them in the convos.
4. Start leaving Geritol, Viagara and other drugs for old people around the house.
5. Buy adult diapers in bulk, start leaving them around the house. walk around the house wearing them. Just them.
6. talk about menopause constantly
7. pull your pants up just below your boobs
8. stop wearing bras all together
9. Stop showering and cleaning the bathroom.
And Finally
10. Pretend you don’t know who they are or why they are there.